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==Z?==
He tapped his cigarette on the cafeteria’s brick wall. “You saw the teachers in there,” he smirked, “how did they look?”<b>Thoughtcrime</b>
“Teacher-ish?”
“Nah,” he smiled She took the milk out of the refrigerator and blew a puff spilled the last of smoke it into her cereal. She knew the family didn’t have any more in the frigid fall airback, “they looked happybut she didn’t care. Teachers always look happier when they’re not teaching studentsThe rest of them weren’t up yet, and so the rest of the milk was hers. Not that she liked it, anyway.”
“And we’re a lot happier when we’re not being taught. They’re only human, Sammy.”
He laughed and blew out more grey smoke, making me cough. “you’re so naïve! Already at the school for two months and you’re already saying they’re human. What’s with you? Did you hear Mr. Deiess in study hall yesterday?”
“NoShe spooned the remainder of the Alpha-Bits quickly into her mouth and ran out the door,” I shook my headleaving her jacket on the chair in the living room. She really didn’t need it; it was thirty degrees warmer than the average winter day, “what did he say?”or, at least, what she remembered the average winter day to be. She was about to make a mad dash for the bus when she realized that it wouldn’t leave while the driver could see her walking towards it, and she might as well make them wait for her. After all, they cut her breakfast short.
“Well, he was talking to this girl. She was a sophomore, I think. And she was late to school ‘cause her brother had to go to the hospital. He wouldn’t let her sign in late. So she told him that her brother was real sick, but you know what he said?”
“What did he say?”Nauseous, she put on her headphones. Out of them slipped the beautiful man-made noise. The noise that wasn’t supposed to exist anymore, as the maker of it was dragged off by some guy with a badge a couple years ago. Nobody said anything, of course. The hardcore kids just kept on listening to their “dissident” music files. They wouldn’t be bothered. At least, she knew, not yet.
“He said ‘Too. Bloody. Bad,’ that’s what he said. They don’t care. You know what I would’ve said? I would’ve said ‘okay.’ I have a heart.”
Sammy had a point. Of course<i>There are things, Sammy Z. always had a point. He was like a big brother to me, and as far as I knew, he was never wrong. He liked to put me down a lot, though. Whenever I had a funny story, he didn’t think it was so funny. Like the time my English class found out that the intercom works both ways and that our teacher wasn’t just talking to the disembodied voice from above. He thought it was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. But after all, I was just a freshman and he was a senior.
“Are you ever going to get caught smoking like that?” That I said I would ask himnever do.</i>
“Nah,” he’d laugh, letting his cigarette smoke fill the lungs of passerby’s, “never. Who really cares, anyway? Half the student body smokes. I’m one in a million.”
“WellThe grinding,” I’d coughindustrial undertone only supported the ironic lyrics. The voice, “the rest nearly covered by the noise of machines, nearly yelled, as if he, too, was trapped in this reality. Of course, the student body doesn’t smoke at schoolsong was written seventeen years ago, so there wasn’t much he could understand about the new decade.” Then again, the album he released after that one had to make you wonder just how much he knew. It almost felt like a soundtrack to the year.
“Ah, yes, but they smoke. If I could make it a little longer through the day, I’d smoke at home, too.”
“You’re gonna die one dayThe other kids on the bus were absolutely silent. A few of them were listening to music,” I’d mumble to myself every timebut even the little kids wouldn’t make a sound. She felt a pattern. I mean, I She knew she wasn’t that we’re all gonna die anyway, but I tired coming into school when she was worried for Sammyyounger. Even <i>she</i> had had vigor at a certain age. I didn’t know why I All the little kids wanted was worried for Sammyto go and go home. They were growing up so fast, with none of the benefits or wisdom of age. He’d never done anything for meThey were <i>stone. “You seeFor my soul,” he’d lean against the cafeteria wall Is too sick and too little and too late.</i> She looked down at her shirt, “teachers don’t almost expecting to see right through to her heart. It was dulled. Not dulled like me, so teacher’s don’t see meeverybody else’s; not dulled in a sense that she was indifferent. Dulled from seeing that she was the only one who wasn’t. You’re luckyShe wondered when all of it started, kid, teachers like youthe apathy.” I frownedShe thought it might have been around the end of middle school, “Teachers don’t but that couldn’t have been right. Children much younger than that were just as uninterested. It was like you because they know you don’t like theman epidemic of silence. Your history teacher is really niceShe knew that she was the only one to still embrace a breezy spring day with open arms.” <i>“YEAH!” he’d laughThe more I stay in here, “one helluva nice guy! You know how many times he’d gotten me suspended?” The more I shruggeddisappear.</i> The bus stopped short at the school. She grabbed her backpack and made sure she was the last one off the bus. I didn’t want She still had a few minutes, and she wasn’t about to be wrong againwaste her time before homeroom on uncompleted homework. As the bus pulled away, headphones still in her ears, she stood there, in front of the large brick building. Fourth time we’d had The nameplate, <i>Orwell Public High School</i>, was being removed in favor of one that argument that weekmentioned a much less thought-provoking author. It was like an endless cycle <i>As far as I have gone, and no matter how many times I playedknew what side I’m on. But now I’m not so sure, Sammy always won The line begins to blur. </i> He didn’t know She never really knew why, but that he’d wonpart, thoughthe chorus, so he’d just keep fighting until I shut always made her look upat the sky in awe. There was never anything <i>in</i> the sky (with the exception of clouds and birds and such), but the sounds lifted her gaze. He She didn’t believe in a god, or aliens, but it was strange that like she just <i>expected</i> something to happen. Naturally, nothing ever did. She made her wayto her assigned seat and crossed her black jean-clad legs. Her watch read in neat letters, 9:07 Feb 3 2022. I’d She smirked. She knew it was illegal to keep hating him till I couldn’t stand not a calendar or watch that displayed the year as anything but 0000. A boy with short blonde hair stumbled into class. Drowsily, he took a seat next to be around himher. His voice sunglasses shielded his classmates from his blank, tired stare. By command of the teacher, he promptly removed them, showing his black left eye.Not that his eye was black in the old sense of the weirdest part word, not the eyelid, but the eye itself. The whites of himhis eyes looked like they were tinted with oil. Everybody sitting there knew exactly what was going on, thoughbut nobody was going to say a thing. It They boy was too inebriated to be thankful for his classmates’ lack of interest. She was getting nauseous again. She couldn’t deny her stomach anymore; she hadn’t had water in a very educated voicefew months. Her mother stopped paying the bill for the water truck to come around, and the way it echoed in your head made it sound like he tap water tasted metallic. The only thing better was Britishmilk, which she never had a taste for. But he spoke like The drinking fountain at school was usually filthy, acting more as a C+ studentgarbage can than anything else. After allShe chewed on a tiny slice of watermelon from her lunch bag, he was onehoping her teacher wouldn’t see. “And you want to be Lunch was a writer!” he chimed after I told him that underground street racing wouldn’t pay disappointment. Only the thin slices of watermelon eased her sickness. She felt proud, though. She planted those watermelons herself last winter, and worked for his insurancethem. “What “We’re not alone, you aren’t that goodknow,” a thin boy with light brown hair took a seat next to her, anyway“you gotta look at this printout. It’s all this emo crap I’d link you to the website…but…” he looked around him, breaking into a whisper, “if they found out you were off the water, and poetry like thatstarted checkin’ your computer, you’d be worse than dead.” She furrowed her brow, “what are you talking about?” “You know. You write stories about The Parepin? In the water?” She shook her head.“Well, it’s supposed to protect us from shit, but the people who don’t even exist doing regulardrink the water are so much more…<i>alive</i>…” he glanced over at her, “except for you, boring thingswho always looks like you’re about to collapse from dehydration. If ” “Do you drink the water?” “Only as much as I wanted need to know what it was like live,” he shrugged, “I’ve been trying to liveoff homemade smoothies lately, I’d just go outsidebut making ‘em takes time…and effort. Who needs those stupid books you writeOf course, being the unathletic, sickly child I am, anyway? They I don’t have dragons in themlose much water during the day, so I’m alright. ” Everything that could happen in them could happen in real lifeHe stretched. That’s why it’s “I notice so stupidmuch more now.” And He looked both ways again, “but anyway, I have to show you this website. It’s this whole resistance thing; you’d love it! It’s all artsy, too. It’s really your thing. I would frown and shrug don’t have it bookmarked or anything, but I would never listenprinted some of it out…but if we’re caught with it, we’re doing time for the viewing of subversive material.” “You know,” she said, “you really talk too much.” By fifth period, the boy with the black eye had disappeared. I She couldn’t say she didn’t want him expect it, though. Everyone knew that coming to have school on opal was a pointthoroughly stupid thing to do. I’d shut my earsAnyone brilliant enough to do it really deserved being disappeared. Mrs<i>Disappeared,</i> her mind used to venture, <i>what do they do with all the people they have disappeared?</i> It hadn’t been so long since her uncle Gil had vanished, and she knew it happened often but was never, ever talked about. Cavallo stepped out from It was Uncle Gil who had given her the side With_Teeth files, her first taste in rebellious music. He said, “You’re growing up and thinking for yourself, girl, I’m proud of the cafeteriayou. “What are Here, I want you doing here?to hear something.” she asked, furrowing He took her hand and led her angry brow, “Boys, to the principal’s officeattic, now! where an ancient looking computer sat between columns of even older compact discs. Put that thing He sifted through the column on the left, pulling out, Samuel!” a small disc in a dark blue case. It was the first time a song ever spoke to her. Sammy dropped his cigarette on <i>You’re keeping in step, with the floor line, With your chin held high and crushed you feel just fine, Cuz you do, what you’re told, But inside your heart it with is black and it’s hollow and it’s cold.</i> Just a year after that, he vanished. Nobody ever talked about him again. The only reason she knew he was gone for good was the look his heel before walking girlfriend gave her. It was on the street one warm winter night. “Laurel!” she called to her excitedly. Laurel just stood there, like a beautiful statue on the walk that he had sidewalk. She didn’t frown, but she didn’t look happy to see her, either. She made so many times beforeeye contact, but she looked like she was about to the principal’s officecry. We sat there Laurel kept walking, until she was around the corner, but She ran all the way back home, sobbing for about twenty minutes before him once but never again after that. <i>Just how deep do you believe? Will you bite the hand that feeds?</i> A couple years later, a headline appeared in the whole thing was cleared outnewspaper. “SUBVERSIVE MUSICIAN CAPTURED, SENT TO EXTERMINAL,” it shouted. Sammy was suspended for smoking on school propertyThe artist, writer of the With_Teeth files (also, Pretty Hate Machine, The Downward Spiral, The Fragile, and Year Zero being the most disturbing), was never seen again. And that’s when she knew what they told him did with Uncle Gil. She wondered if he’d get suspended one more met the artist there, or if they just killed them all instantly. Uncle Gil’s friends <i>hated</i> that he gave her all that Anti-American music. They never wanted to see a young girl, thirteen at the time, he’d be expelledto ever live in fear of the government as they did. He wasn’t stupid, though. They In the copy of a subversive book he gave me detention for her, he highlighted the passage, “The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. He wrote: ‘Thoughtcrime does not entail death: thoughtcrime IS death.’” That book was the one she found the most enlightening. The ending was realistic: the main character becomes a brainwashed drunk who was carried away by the government, to his death. <i> Will you chew until it bleeds? Will you get up off your knees?</i> Uncle Gil had never said anything to the officers about her possession of his illegal materials. In a little while way, she made it easier for not telling anyone that I saw him smoking. But I didn’t care about detentionIt was a few more music files, a few more books hidden far away from his home. She spent last period finishing her life-giving watermelon slices. I There was just happy nothing more she wanted than to move to New Zealand, where there is no totalitarian theocracy or thoughtcrime or anything that Sammy could ever be wrongmight get her killed. <i>Are you brave enough to see? Do you wanna change it?</i> When she got home, she saw the water truck pulling up by the door. Her stomach was screaming at her, but she knew very well That the last thing she wanted Was a drink of water.